I hated Mother’s Day for a few years. The first year without her was unbearable, sitting in church while they handed out flowers to all the mamas, young and old, of many and of few babies. I couldn’t even think of my own six babies because the overwhelming ache from losing my own mom so recently. It had only been two months without her. It felt like a lifetime.

I sobbed through the worship service, the mother appreciation, and the flower presentations. Well-meaning friends both congratulated me on my mom status of six while offering condolences for my fresh loss. The pastor’s message on mothers pushed me over the edge and a friend found me crying on the couch inside the women’s restroom.

It was indescribably hard.

My husband worked that year so our afternoon looked like swinging on the porch swing, crying buckets over my mom and my children’s Gaga. My shattered heart could not be comforted. I wanted a hug from my mom. The only hugs I felt came from tiny little arms desperate to see me smile.

Those who haven’t experienced grief cannot understand the pain surrounding days meant to celebrate our loved ones. What happens when your loved one is gone? I needed to find a way to make it through Mother’s Day and not hate this day so many others loved. After four years, I’ve discovered a few ways to not only make it through but to enjoy it.

Making Mother’s Day Count

Want to do something this year in memory of your sweet mama? Here are a few things that have eased the ache in my own heart.

• Buy her flowers. Display them on your dining room table for your own viewing pleasure. Set a small basket beside it and write a memory or leave a note of appreciation in it. No, she won’t see it but it’s a great way to remember her.
• Pick up a Hallmark card. During a sob fest, a friend suggested buying holiday cards for my mom anyway. I do it. I write all the things I’d say to her if I could see her one last time.
• Bake her favorite dessert. Does your family miss her too? Bake her favorite dessert and share it together while recalling wonderful memories to pass along to your children.

None of these suggestions will bring back a loved one but in our fresh grief, processing feelings through writing can help you heal. Maybe none of these appeal to you and that’s fine. Think about your own relationship and consider a special activity to remember and honor your mom this Mother’s Day.

Finding True Comfort

I learned the comfort I craved came not from mashed potatoes or brownies piled high with ice cream and chocolate syrup, but straight from the Lord. My life verse from that point since became Psalm 121:1-2.

I lift my eyes to the hills, from where my help comes. My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

At a time when I desperately needed comfort that couldn’t be found in earthly answers, I found it in Jesus. During the days fraught with emotion, when I thought I couldn’t get through the next moment, Jesus did. When I lifted my eyes to him, begging for peace, comfort, and my next breath, he helped me. And he still does.

If you’ve recently lost your mom and you’re dreading this Mother’s Day, I hope you find these suggestions helpful. I hope you look to the Lord for comfort and help. Grief is a pain that can’t be managed by external factors. Not alcohol. Not pain meds. Not pretending it never happened. Only God can touch the innermost parts of our brokenness and begin the healing process.

Will you let him begin healing you this Mother’s Day?