“Look, Mama, a turtle!!!”

As I entered the pool gate in my in-law’s yard, I saw the kids gathered around the edge of the fence, my middle son laughing and beckoning me to come closer.

“Actually, it’s a tortoise,” my daughter haughtily corrected, her hand on her hip.

  The gopher tortoise swung it’s head from side to side, looking for a way of escape, through the crowded herd of children surrounding him. When he realized there was none, he withdrew in his shell.

  So much like myself. 

Next weekend, I’ll be attending a conference out of state. By myself. Away from home. Away from family. 

This girl is shaking in her cowgirl boots. I want to hide within my turtle shell. The blank computer screen stares back at me as I draw a blank, forgetting what I intended to write about. The proposal should have been done already but it wasn’t. Last-minute-Lucy I was. 

My chest feels tight and I fight off the waves of anxiety I feel coming. I struggle to take a deep breath. I KNOW God has a plan for sending me here but I can’t help but feel inadequate among the throngs of Christian writers who have been writing far longer than I. 

I want to make friends! I do! I want to glean knowledge from the cream of the crop, the established writers who love the Lord and give of their time to teach us what they know.

But.

Always a but. I want to argue and point out all the reasons to God why I can’t do this and tell him 5 people who would do a much better job than me. I’m nervous in front of strangers. I won’t know anyone. What if I end up at a table alone eating my dinner? What if I am woefully unprepared, underdressed, and overlooked?

Once again, like a balm to my anxious heart, God reminds me of His words…

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of a good courage. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9

Yes, Lord. You have gone ahead of me and prepared the way. You worked out countless details and arranged this divine appointment. I know you’re with me……

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under the heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1

Ok, this is my season and my time, I will sing Your praises and testify of Your love, Your grace, Your hand on my life…

Do not be anxious for anything but I’m everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:6-7

Lord,  take my anxiety in exchange for Your peace. I will go…..

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

I’m ready, Lord. Empty my broken vessel and fill me with the Holy Spirit. Let your light so shine before these women that they will see You in me and glorify You in heaven. May Your will be done next weekend and may all the glory and honor go to You alone.

Amen.

Friends, 

I would covet your prayers as hundreds of other women and I continue to prepare for next weekend. Please pray that God will bind Satan from our homes and our lives as we finish up our writing. Pray for God’s protection over us and our families between now and then, that nothing will happen to stop the work of furthering His Kingdom. Pray that new friends are made and old friends reconnect. Pray for the speakers and the hearers, the writers and the readers. I know the presence of the Holy Spirit will be tangible and God will do great and mighty things! To God be the Glory!

Thank you all! I look forward to updating you on everything that happens!

Until next time,

The Farm Wyfe