The club accepted us with no conditions, just freely welcomed us but the problem was– I wanted nothing to do with them. All my life I wanted to fit in and be included but this was not what I had in mind. The club for those who’ve lost a loved one isn’t a group anyone willingly joins. It just happens.
So what’s next? When the depth of grief threatens to consume you, where do you go from here? Turning to the Bible was a no-brainer for this girl but I needed another outlet to express my grief. The endless river of tears leaving permanent trails on my cheeks couldn’t be the only way to grieve.
But it was–for a full year. On the first anniversary of my mother’s passing, my sweet mother-in-law brought home eight balloons for us and a handful of sharpies. She encouraged us to write notes to my mom, my kids called her Gaga, and release them outside. It wasn’t for my mom, as we knew she’d never read them. It was for us and the kids as a memorial to her and a goodbye from us.
We found other ways to express our grief like making her favorite cookies during the holidays or playing her favorite board game. Passing on what she loved to my children was a way for us to continue her legacy, to honor her memory, and to point her grandchildren to the hope we have in Jesus.
Over the years, we’ve carried on the traditions we most loved while leaving behind others. We’ve targeted our sights on eternal values rather than earthly treasures. Knowing that our time is but a vapor, we try to make the most of the time we have.
But in the meantime, when we are focused inward on expressing grief in a healthy manner, here are a few of the tangible things we found to help.
Release balloons or lanterns on the anniversary of your loved ones passing.
Write notes on them as an expression of your grief. We knew she would never read these notes but it was a simple, thoughtful way for the kids (and grown-ups) to express their thoughts and release them.
Record stories before you forget.
It’s been five years and I’m thankful for the notebooks of stories and quotes and her favorite things we wrote down while it was fresh in our minds. Some things you think you’ll never forget but they do fade after time and I wanted to remember them to share with my kids as they grow.
Tear your clothes.
In biblical times, it was a sign of deep grief to tear one’s clothes. As a believer, I know that no matter the depth of our pain, the Lord heals the broken-hearted. As an expression of our own grief, we took a box of my mom’s favorite clothes and tore/cut them into strips to make little pillows. Not as a shrine to her, but as a small remembrance for the kids. On one side, we ironed on fabric pictures of her holding each kid wearing the clothing article from which the pillow was made.
Join GriefShare.
Sometimes it feels as if no one understands the devastating loss of a loved one but there are safe places like Griefshare groups. In these safe settings, it’s a great place to process our emotions and learn how to adjust to life from a biblical perspective because some grieving is not healthy or beneficial.
Moving forward in grief
I hope you’ve found some of these practical suggestions useful and maybe applicable to your own grief experiences. I found with my children, that they desperately needed a tangible way to express their grief and remember their Gaga. These were just a few of the things that helped us. They might not be for you and that’s fine too. But if they are, I hope they help heal your hurting heart.
I don’t know where you are on your grief journey. Maybe your pain is raw and fresh or it’s been years since you lost a loved one. The most important thing I experienced through my grief is the comfort from a Heavenly Father. As a believer, the Holy Spirit truly comforted my heart and drew me to Scriptures to remind me it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to miss your parent or child or whoever it is you loved that passed away. It’s ok to find joy despite your pain and laugh through the tears.
The truth? The Bible promises in dozens of places that the Lord is always with us, He will never leave us. In Psalm 34, we find the promise that the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and binds their wounds. It’s true, my friend.
No matter what you face, Jesus will be there.
