He brushed past me, arms loaded with the overflowing trash bag, muttering, “Nice of you to empty the trash today. Did you save all this for me?”
I rolled my eyes, to his back, of course. “Seriously? I’ve emptied the trash twice today, thank you very much!”
Ten years later, we laugh at this, but taking out the trash was one of our first arguments as a married couple. When my husband requested permission to marry me, I distinctly remember my father warning him that I was raised differently than him. My then-fiancé viewed marriage as “his roles and her roles.” Laundry was her role; taking out the trash was his. Cooking was her role; mowing the grass was his.
There were no gender specific roles in my family growing up and we all learned to pitch in together, so my dad was wise to warn him of our different backgrounds. I felt no shame reminding him of this when he wondered why I didn’t take the trash out. That was his role, remember?
We both entered marriage, blissfully unaware of the daily challenges we would encounter. No one warned us of the stupid things we would disagree about. No one offered suggestions on how to move past these disagreements. We watched as countless friends, who married the same time we did, ended up divorced.
Why was this happening over and over again? Why were young couples not staying together? Why were people encouraging them to split and go their own ways without counseling them through their problems?
I’ve asked six women who have each been married over 35 years to share with us the secrets for a successful marriage:
These women have experienced everything from mountaintops and the rewards of a lasting relationship to valleys and the pain accompanying it. They’ve succeeded in their marriage and are happily sharing their tips with us.
Here are the top 10 tips for a successful marriage:
Make eye contact when talking or listening to him.
Remember those sappy romance novels you read as a teen, where the woman gazed deeply into his eyes while he spoke? Yeah, do that for your husband because it makes him feel important and you’ll be effectively showing how much you love him. It’s the little things.
Hold hands.
You’ve seen those older couples walking through the cobblestone streets downtown, clutching each other’s hands, acting as if no one else is around? They’ve learned one of the secrets to a successful marriage –keep it physical! Men need that physical touch, even if it’s something as simple as holding hands while you’re walking down the street or watching television; hold hands.
Date night.
Whether you have ten children or two, date nights need to be a priority at least once a month. If you’re kids are grown and gone, make it a weekly affair to date each other. Don’t fall into the rut of married life or family life, but consider date nights an investment in your future and your family.
Be friends.
This means like each other and share interests together. You’re on the same team so stop fighting over the things that don’t matter. Remember all the reasons why you married him, find a neutral activity to enjoy together as well as learning to like what he likes and have fun with your spouse!
Let him lead.
It’s hard for your spouse to be a leader if you refuse to let him lead. He was created to be the head of the home, so let him make decisions and trust God that things will work out fine.
Communication.
Talk to each other, help each other, share your fears and concerns with each other. Make sure you’re on the same page as your spouse and if you’re not, spend quality time together side-by-side to reconnect. When raising a family, both parents must be on the same page concerning discipline matters. Never argue in front of your children. When disagreements arise, as all marriages have them, talk to one another, and it is very important to work it out before you retire for the night.
Respect.
Always let him know he can do anything he sets his mind to. Never belittle your spouse in public, especially in front of your children. If you don’t respect him, they won’t either. Treat him as you want to be treated in all areas, even in conversation, when you’re around others.
Trust.
Don’t hide things from one another, especially what’s bothering you, but share your burdens and concerns. Allow your spouse access to your private email or social media and vice versa, proving your trust.
Encourage.
Be an encourager to your husband, lifting him up when he feels down. He is the best friend you have, so build him up with your words.
Be unified in Christ.
“A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” The most important thing in a marriage is to always have God in the center of your lives. Unity in Christ will give you the strength to withstand any storm.
Quotes to Remember:
“Remember, if the wife wants to be treated like a queen, she must treat her spouse as a king.” –Sue Battreal
“Let your kids know you think their Daddy can do anything.” –Jeffie Bennett
“It’s a funny thing, you’ve been married long enough to know this marriage goes in cycles, some are great and some you just work through.” –Linda Wages
“I thank God for my soulmate/husband and I look forward to growing old together. It has been hard work but the reward of a Godly marriage is worth it.” –Deb Carpenter
“Always make your husband #1, making him feel like the most important person in the world.” –Beverly Carregal
“Life has not always been easy, and that’s when our love for each other and for Jesus Christ grew. We work very well together as a team and have realized we shouldn’t try to do things alone.” –Susie Jones
What wonderful, practical advice from these women who have experienced it all in their marriages. Thank you, ladies, for taking the time to share these helpful tips with us! I hope you all take their advice to heart and have your own successful marriage!
I would love to win this bath set! My sister in law bought us this brand for Christmas and I was so impressed with the quality and scents! Love your article too on a successful marriage❤️
On a side note, I’m always so curious as to when you write these awesome blogs with 6 kids! ? I’m so impressed ☺️ Haha.
Awesome! Athena’s products never disappoint! Thank you so much for your kind words.?
I can only write when those crazy kids are sleeping! Lol! Good luck.
Hey Amanda! I have already subscribed to your blog as I am a big fan of your writing! Our family is busy as all families are but working a night shift six nights a week leaves little time for down time that only relaxing tub time can give. I would love this giveaway to use as a tool to baby myself so I continue to baby my family. 🙂
Thank you so much! Yes, you are a very busy woman and deserving of some pampering! Good luck!
I would use it for a special date night with my man! Ending the evening with a bath together in out tub! He would be so surprised!
Hot date night alert! Sounds like the perfect ending to a date night to me! Good luck!
So I can’t believe I’ve never subscribed. I just did though!! Troy and I just visited this place this past weekend. I thought it was amazing and has got me inspired to make my own soaps. All their soaps are gorgeous along with the cute store!! I took a couple pics and was going to show them to you because I knew you liked to make soaps! These soaps are a true art! I love them already and would love to win this!
Yes!!! Athena’s store is amazing and so is everything in it! Thank you, Katie! Good luck. ?
After a wonderful date night, a romantic bath time in the garden tub sounds like a perfect way to end the evening!
Sounds wonderful! Good luck!
That whole eye contact thing is so hard for me. My husband has a lot of words and I always feel like I have a lot to do. It means so much to him when I just stop and listen. Thanks for the great reminder!
A man of many words? I’m thankful he thinks you’re worth talking to and it sounds like he values your opinion. My husband also appreciates the eye contact (when I make it!) so this was a great reminder to me as well. Thank you and good luck!
Your awesome!
☺️ thank you, Melanie! Good luck.
I would love to win this give way, for many reasons-
1. Because it’s an awesome giveaway
2. Bc I just had a baby and how great would it be to now be pampered
3. I’m literally sitting in the dr office crying with my new born bc it’s been a rough start for him ! ( Perfect distraction )
Aww, Amy, I hope you have a better day and that sweet baby is doing better now. You definitely deserve a pampering! Good luck.
Well I think I deserve to win just for being a Mom. Isn’t that enough? Plus I ? The Farm Wyfe blog!!!
Yes, that’s definitely a good enough reason!☺️ thank you!!!
Good luck.
I’m always encouraged by your inspired thoughts! Thank you for your example and letting Christ work in and through you!
Thank you, Kaylah! Good luck!
What a beautiful testament to the faithfulness of these couples, through sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, in good times and in bad, forsaking all others. Thank you! It warms my heart to know that EVERY single marriage has its ups and downs…I’m so thankful for my husband and can’t see myself loving (or arguing with ;)) anyone else! I would love to soak away from the stresses of life in a bubbling bathtub filled with sweet smelling soaps! we moved to be closer to family and to help with an elderly grandparent…boy has it been a struggle…but through it all His grace covers me! I miss my sweet friendships that became like family but I know that what the Lord has brought together in friendships, no distance can separate!
I agree, Misty! It’s great to know everyone goes through difficult times in their marriage but we will be stronger for it! Good luck!
Love reading your blogs Amanda!!! They always point me back to Christ and remind me of my purpose whether in my marriage, homeschooling, my kids, church etc. I’m thankful for your wisdom and encouragement.
Thank you for your encouraging, kind words, Claire! Good luck!
If I won this awesome gift set, I’d use it for our upcoming anniversary weekend getaway!!
That sounds awesome! Good luck!
I would like to win this to use for a date night at home. It will be handy since the hubby’s schedule is hectic.
Thank you for this article and may God bless you a hundred fold for your passion to keep marriages together and blessing others. You Rock??
Sounds great! Thank you, Roseline, and good luck!
Great article Amanda!! You are a blessing to me!! I would love to win the gift set. It’s always great to pamper yourself after a long week!!
Thank you, Danielle! Good luck.?
Love this article! What a blessing marriage is! I am so thankful God allowed me to marry such a wonderful man who loves me the way he does. I certainly do not deserve an awesome bath gift set, however, it would be nice to take a few minutes out to relax!
Thank you, Melissa! You definitely have a good man there and we are blessed to call you both friends. Good luck!
I just subscribed! Love your blog!!! Would love to win this prize and have a relaxing bath once my c section is healed 😉
Awesome, thank you! Here is to healing quickly! Good luck. 🙂
With baby boy #3 on the way on top of watching several other little ones though out the week, I would love to win these for a little self- pampering! ?
Sounds like you definitely need it! Good luck!
I’m subscribed ?What a beautiful article Amanda! Thank you for the inspiring words on having a long successful marriage as it is has always been an expectation of mine. I would love to win this giveaway to use as a end of a date night surprise, alittle something special for the two of us!
Thank you, Stephanie! I agree. Good luck!
I love your blog! You are always “spot on”! I do subscribe! I would love to win the drawing, because I definitely need anot evening to relax! My girls are always trying to take my special soaps etc. So this would definitely be a treat!
Thank you, Jennifer! You tell those girls to leave mama’s special soaps alone! 😉 Good luck!
I thought I had already subscribed ? I’ve read many of your posts and love them all. I don’t know how you do it!!! I would love to win this set! I have a 2 week old and a 2 1/2 year old so I’m still recovering from the delivery. My husband and I didn’t celebrate our anniversary due to the new baby, but this gift would be a perfect way to celebrate our anniversary and Valentine’s Day! Thanks for the message Amanda! I haven’t kept up on Facebook These past couple of weeks ?
Thank you so much, Meredith! Congratulations on the newest addition! Good luck! 🙂
I’m already a follower of your website ? This I would love for an evening of relaxing and resting! It would be a beautiful way for a little pampering for me and my man! ?
Thanks Gretchen! Good luck!
Subscribed! I’d love this bath set to help me relax – it’s been a busy, stressful year at school for both myself and the hubs. I can take better care of my family when I’m a little more relaxed. I love that there’s something for him, too! (I can share the love) Plus I love all of your soaps! Thank you for all the blog posts 🙂
Awesome! Thanks, Terri! Good luck.
Besides being an awesome sister-in-law, you are an amazing writer and Godly witness! Proud to call you family! And for payment for those sweet words I believe I deserve the soap set! Lol. Just kidding! But after this looong week I would sure love to relax in the tub. ?
Aww, thanks sister-in-love! If you win, I’m not shipping it, you’ll just have to visit!? good luck!
I signed up and would like to be pampered. I don’t think I am anymore deserving than anyone of these other ladies. I think that we could all just use some time for ourselves every now and again. And it is great that you are doing something so sweet. I love your blog, you have helped me through many days!!
Thank you so much, Coreen! Good luck!
Thanks for the great blogs, Amanda! I enjoy reading them and appreciate the encouragement and challenge they are to me!
I definitely do not deserve the bath set but would be grateful if I won it!
Thank you, Ginny! Good luck!
Hey Amanda, awesome blog!!
I love Athena’s stuff and so does Bailey. She makes me share everything with her. The best are the bath bombs. I take every change I can to have a long soak in the tub and alone time!!
Haha! Athena’s stuff is definitely amazing! Good luck!
Hey Amanda! I love your blog and love seeing you and Wesley grow with your little ones. You’re an inspiration. (And a precautionary tale, hehe).
I deserve the pampering because I’m going thru a lot, healthwise, and can’t even get the energy to go to a nail salon to have a pedicure. So a little home pampering would be great.
Haha! Thank you, Anna Marie! Good luck!
Hi Amanda! Thank you for letting me know about this great article and I love all the tips for a Christ-centered marriage. Since I’m not a bath kinda girl, I would love to win this to give to a couple that I know who could use a date night and a “bath” would be a great ending to their date, heehee?.
I am beyond blessed with an amazing Godly husband and although our marriage isn’t perfect, we know the One who is and trust Him to hold us steadfast as we navigate this journey of marriage. I hope to invest in others’ marriages as the sweet ladies from the article have!
Love you sweet friend❤️
Thank you, Lisa! How kind of you to think of someone else! Good luck on winning it for them!
So true!!! Love you too!
Amanda, I just love your blog and Christ-centered messages you deliver! I think it’s very important to pray with and for your spouse as well (probably goes in your number 10- united in Christ). There is just something so powerful in praying aloud for each other!
Unfortunately, we only have a shower and no bathtub so I would love for someone else to win the amazing soaps I keep hearing so much about!
Don’t stop writing Amanda….it’s so refreshing to read your blog!
Thank you, Michelle!
You are so right–prayer is the most important thing we can do for our spouse!
Love this blog! Sometimes it’s overwhelming to know that as wives, we set the tone in our marriages. We are so blessed that God is always with us, through it!
I’m a stay-at-home mom (of boys!), who homeschools. Any kind of pampering would be a dream come true! ?
Thank you, Neena!
Yes, but the reward is so sweet! Good luck!
I just recently subscribe to your Blog….I just spent about 30 mins reading and browsing….I love it all!!! Being that I just got married there is a ton of go to advice for me as wife and mother in the future…so glad I took the time to subscribe and read! I would love the bath soaps…I mean who doesn’t enjoy a relaxing night pampering themselves every once in a while!
Awesome, Kelsey! I agree–who wouldn’t love a night of pampering? Good luck!
I’d like to win cuz it would simply be nice to take some “me time”….
Right?!? Good luck, Kristie!
I subscribed to your blog! Sounds like theres a lot of ladies on here who need some “me” time. Give it to one of those women who needs a little burst of happiness in her life right now!
Thanks Madeline! You’re so sweet. I’m sure they will be very thankful if they win.?