People always ask me about my weight. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the fact I’ve birthed six babies and they freely commented on my appearance during pregnancy that now they feel it’s still appropriate (although it never was). I never know how to answer them, especially when it’s phrased in a way to shame my current size.
So though it’s no one’s business but mine, I’m sharing my weight loss story here today. And if you’re still concerned about my health after reading the full post, then perhaps it’s an issue in which you can seek solace from the Lord. 💙
Where It All Began
Everything happened so quickly. Or maybe it was the series of life-changing events within one year that spiraled my weight out of control.
Six years ago, not long after I turned 29, my husband and I became pregnant with twins. My doctor declared the babies and I healthy and gaining weight perfectly. At 37 weeks, I delivered the twins, who weighed 7 lb 3 oz and 6 lb 3 oz and we went home two days later. I wish I could remember exactly how much weight I gained during those 8 months but I only know for sure it was upwards of 65 lbs. From my previous pregnancies, I knew I’d lose the weight without a problem.
I didn’t count on my mom suddenly passing away or how turning 30 affected the way I’d spent a lifetime eating. Grief affected my weight. Stubborn pounds refused to shed and stuck to me in all the wrong places. Up and down my weight fluctuated. Overnight, I’d become an emotional eater. Instead of finding comfort in the Lord, I found comfort in all my favorite foods. Fried chicken. Mashed potatoes. Brownies. Sweet tea.
I paid the price.
As if that wasn’t enough emotional upheaval, I joined my husband working on the farm and homeschooling from the office. Despite the vast land I could’ve walked, I spent my days sitting behind a desk or doing light chores in the barn. By the time we came home, exhaustion overrode any desire to exercise.
I could feel my pants growing tighter until a little muffin popped over the top. But I only reached for a larger size pant from the back of the closet and kept on eating and working and homeschooling.
My children ranged from 2-8 years old by then and loved playing outdoors. Because I often grew out of breath quickly, I usually chose to sit on the porch and read a book instead of playing with them. A couple more years passed with no change.
Still ate my favorite foods without feeling guilty. Still resisted consistent exercise. Still struggled with stress.
The weight piled on over the years until my biggest pants stopped fitting and the scales shouted I was overweight. But what my kids wanted mattered most.
The Day I Changed My Life
We didn’t own a scale so I wasn’t obsessive about my weight and didn’t realize just how much weight I’d gained. They pleaded with me every day to play with them but when I finally caved, I could hardly breathe. I was so out of shape!
What a far cry from the obsessive gym girl who bounced back after four other pregnancies! I can only contribute the weight gain to the series of life events that strained and stressed me from every side. I knew something had to give. I wanted to be able to play with my kids and still breathe. I didn’t want to be doubled over, gasping for breath, and scaring the mess out of my kids.
I weighed myself that week for the first time in a long time.
The digital numbers glared back at me and I stumbled backward in shock. The batteries must be dead, I thought. Surely that’s wrong! According to current weight charts for women, as a 5′ 4″ woman, my weight was off the chart.
This was new to me. This was the first time in a long time, I truly wanted to lose weight but I didn’t know how or what to do. It wasn’t even about the shocking number on the scale but more about my future with my family. I had to put them first.
So I made a change.
Prayerfully Moving Forward
I prayed. I begged God for the self-control to live a life pleasing to him, in all things, including my health. I asked Him to give me wisdom and discernment about what to eat and when to eat and that I wouldn’t be a slave to the scale.
Because it was never about the numbers.
It was about my family.
It was about looking forward to the future and being the kind of mom who could throw a ball with her kids or race them or have crazy dance parties or swim with them. It was living long enough to see them grow up, marry, and raise their own children.
God was so good then. He answered my prayer and gave me the strength and wisdom and self-control to make better choices about my health, my food, and exercise.
Our entire family made a huge change. We stopped consuming sugar (which was huge for this brownie-loving mama, although I’m excited to have found a substitute). We found a way of eating that worked for myself and them and left us completely satisfied, not feeling at all restricted or disappointed with food choices. We made a point to include intentional exercise every day (this was never a problem for anyone but me, but they began encouraging me every day and even working out or running with me).
And I lost 20 lbs in 3 months.
This was after I lost 20 lbs in 3 months.
That was over a year ago and I’ve managed to remain at an acceptable (to me) weight. I play with the kids all the time now and rarely get out of breath and they love it. And I love it. It’s what I wanted.
Focusing on God and not the Criticizers
But sadly, some people don’t agree. Maybe they remember me from years past and my tiny little size 2 frame or they have a better idea of what size I should be as a mother of six. I’ve listened to the comments. Mostly, I’ve brushed them off because it’s my body and I’m making intentional changes to improve my health. But sometimes it still hurts to hear I’m not worth it from someone else.
Because, let’s face it, that’s what we as women think when someone criticizes or comments on our appearance. Sure, there are some things we can change about ourselves, like weight for some of us. But what about those things we can’t change about how God made us?
Do we have a right to self-criticize God’s design? What are we really saying when we look at ourselves in the mirror and dislike our appearance?
God is not good. God made a mistake. He didn’t love me enough to make me the way I imagine I should look.
Those are all lies. You ARE beautiful and perfectly designed. You ARE valuable.
Never let the scale dictate your life. Don’t fall for the lie that you’re worthy only when you weigh a certain number or fit in a tiny dress size. And certainly don’t listen to someone else criticize your appearance. If you are unhappy with your size, prayerfully seek the Lord’s wisdom.
As for me, the scale has no place in my life. The marks of a healthy life for me are a strong, beating heart after playfully chasing my kids across the yard and feeling a smile light up my face. It’s watching the pleased faces of my family as I join in with them making beautiful memories. That’s how I’ll weigh in for the future.
If you’d like to hear more about my weight loss journey, comment below or send me a message on Facebook or Instagram.
What a beautiful story. It’s amazing how we can have these aha moments while others continue the downward spiral. I was always super thin as a child until I could be away from home more and conformed to the modern world and fast food, however I weighed less at the beginning of my second pregnancy than I did with my first and returned to a healthy weight after. Yep then it happened the silent, dormant, incurable disorder…..poly cystic ovarian syndrome or PCOS. A weight gain of 20#, then a chemical pregnancy resulting in a miscarriage meant another 20#. Nothing I did changed my weight, fatigue or my emotional roller coaster, then again, BAM, my son decided he wanted to go live with his Dad, I was devastated. I told my husband we have to change the way we are living, he was raised in a home where he knew God but strayed as an adult, my home God was only used in vain. A change in my employment after 10years led me to a wonderful church and I was born again. 14 months later I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 33. I was at my heaviest weight. 9 surgeries and 2 years later, a new dr gave me a new insight, I lost 50# 4 months I felt great, but slowly I have returned to my old ways of eating and now my husband and daughter are heavier and more unhealthy than I am. Please pray for us as we once again have started to try to change our lives, removing chemicals, eating Whole Foods, increasing activity. We just welcomed our first grandbaby last month and we all want to see her grow up. Thank you for sharing your story it has given me hope.
Oh my goodness, Christy, somehow I missed your comment! It sounds like you’ve been through an extremely rough set of life events and come out even stronger! Good for you for wanting to implement a healthy lifestyle. Congratulations on your new, first grandbaby! I will certainly be praying for you and your family as you make these health changes. <3
What an inspiring message! I’m too struggling with weight loss for the first time in my life. You’ve given me some hope that it will happen. God bless!
Thank you, Lauren! I’ve learned my healthy is a daily choice and intentionality makes a huge difference. Also, keeping my true focus on the Lord and not the scale is everything. <3
Great article! Satan wants nothing more than for us to dislike ourselves. If he can get into the head of a precious daughter of God raising 6 special little spirits in a Godly home then he has won. Good for you for knowing what is most important in life and striving for it!
You are absolutely right, Joelle! Satan seeks to destroy the family any way he can. Thank you so much for reading! <3
Beautiful and meaningful story. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Erin! <3
Great message!! I completely relate to “sweets loving momma” – what substitute did you find? That’s my struggle and bad carbs.
Oh my goodness, Jami, removing sugar from our foods was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done and the withdrawal was filled with the worst headaches, shakes, and strong cravings for sugar. It probably took multiple attempts and a full month of zero sugar before I could even attempt to replace sweets because until then, everything left a bad aftertaste in my mouth. Right now, I mostly use Gentle Sweet for baked goods and stevia for liquids, both products from trimhealthymama.com. And I love the sweets (especially an almond butter brownie) from darciesdishes.com.
Pray for me. My story sounds so very similar. Only with a lot more weight. From twins, to farm life, to the death of a parent. But now add menopause and a parent with dementia and I need the Lords help more than ever. Getting down on my knees today and surrendering.
Oh Cristi, what an emotional weight you bear. 🙁 Praying for you as you seek the Lord, that He will comfort you and give you peace and wisdom. <3