“Oh you better believe I’m going to be there when my sister has a baby! I’m going to be there for ALL the special moments!” declared my 11-year-old at the breakfast table.

We were imagining the future, 10 or 20 years from now, and what kind of relationships they’d have with each other. Whether they’d be best buds and prefer each other’s company or whether they’d part ways and make friends wherever they might live then. Mostly the former, I hoped, with a dash of the latter.

  
As a mom of six, I dream of a world where my children grow up to be best friends and share college dorms together and line up in each other’s wedding as bridesmaids and groomsmen or crowd the waiting room waiting for one of them (or their wives) to give birth to a new baby.

I hope they have barbecue dates and birthday parties together and load up and haul their growing families to the beach for a fun day in the sun or vacation with one another in the mountains.

The future depends on the present and casting a view of what life could be like for them one day. I haven’t always thought this way. As I recently read through Parenting beyond the Rules by Connie Albers, I glimpsed a view of her intentional parenting while her children were young. She too cast visions of the future for her children and now that they’re grown, they’re still best friends.

Sometimes it’s all I can do to manage to fill my days with a shower and keeping six children alive and well much less consider the future in this way. Sometimes they bicker and bonk one another in the nose and prefer solitude to each other’s company. But mostly they’re friends and I want to continue nurturing those relationships so the bonds continue through their adult lives.

Not only do I want to nurture the sibling relationships but also the relationships my husband and I have with our children. With our oldest, we’re moving from a stage of them obeying the rules without question to a stage of them growing into mature, responsible adults and sometimes needing more explanations. More consideration. More understanding. It’s a time of carefully mixing rules with relationship.

The way to adulthood is filled with learning to respect and obey authority yet also learning to grow into the person God has created them to be. Sometimes we see our children as people to live vicariously through and we may find ourselves pressuring them to be someone we want them to be. We must be careful and prayerful with our God-given responsibility to raise them into the people He created them to be.

  
In her book, Albers says important conversations during the tween years about emotional, physical, and hormonal changes they may experience are crucial. It gives us opportunities to show them we know what they’re facing and deepens the relationship we’re cultivating. Not only does she cast visions for future family relationships but also friendships, careers, academics, and spouses.

Parenting Beyond the Rules is marketed toward parents of teens but as a mom of six with only my oldest as a tween, I found this book to be incredibly valuable and filled with practical advice. I highly recommend it for any parent who’s child is nearing adolescent.

I’m not naive enough to know there will be bumps in the road, tension as the tween and teen years approach when hormones range and adolescence changes our family dynamics. But I hope and pray we navigate these changes with understanding and intentionality as we love and parent our children beyond the rules.

  
Recommendation to read Parenting Beyond the Rules by Connie Albers: 👍🏻👍🏻

Disclaimer: I received this complimentary book by the publisher in exchange for my honest opinion. 

My Amazon and Goodreads review:

We are entering the tween years and seeing an influx of hormones and mood swings and I scarcely recognize my own child. Thanks to this book, my entire perspective has changed and Connie has given me great, practical ways to grow my relationship with my daughter beyond the rules.

Every time I think I have a favorite chapter, the next one is even better although the family team is at the top! I’ve never considered writing out our family goals and a family plan. Going to definitely do that now though!

I highly recommend this book for parents of tweens, teens, or anyone who works with teens! It’s amazing and for our family–life changing. 💙