The sudden silence from the kitchen after raucous boys’ laughter and a clattering racket left no doubt what had happened in the next room. A crash. Likely a cereal bowl knocked over, spilled across the counter and floor. A hushed whisper. “Hurry up and pick it up before Mama comes in.” Then the clamoring of feet to rush from the room, to be as far away from the evidence as possible before I reached the doorway. Not a child was left in the room but their presence still was. The cereal box lay haphazardly across the counter, knocked over from the sudden rush to run away. I zeroed in on the broken stoneware, thick pieces of the bowl in between spilled milk and Rice Krispies.

I turned to see six scared faces peeking around the corner. “Ahem,” I cleared my throat, “Looks like you guys have a mess to clean up before we leave. Take care of it quickly.”

Surprised glances met my response. “You aren’t mad?”

“No. You spill things every day but you do need to clean it up before it hardens and get dressed quickly or we’ll be late.”

Expecting them to obey, I turned to finish dressing and laying out the twins’ clothes. Ten minutes later, I returned to the kitchen to find the mess exactly as I’d left it. I warned them a second time. Third time. Last warning. “Clean it up now while it’s still fresh and wet.”

Shaking my head, I grabbed my purse and keys and strode out the door, calling the rest of the kids to follow.

Later that afternoon, we returned home to the same mess. They still had to clean it up but this time it was much more difficult than if they would’ve fixed it right away. The milk and bits of cereal had dried, creating a bond to the hardware floor almost impossible to remove.

Repairing real relationships

Relationships can be messy too, just like a bowl of spilled cereal. A disagreement. Words said that would’ve been better left unsaid. Hurt feelings. Being left out. Betrayal from someone you confided in. Loss of trust.

Suddenly, there’s division instead of unity and you begin believing the lies filling your head. She was never really your friend to begin with. She isn’t worth your time anyway. Your church friends are against you so maybe you should just quit going to church. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Sometimes if we don’t address disagreements immediately and work out our differences, our hearts can be hardened.

Reconciliation left undone can cause irreparable damage in our relationships and leave a wake of disaster, and eventually, a painful and difficult restoration.

I’ve been there. A miscommunication and misunderstanding led to hurtful words, betrayal, loss of trust and a severance of a long friendship. Reconciliation happened years later but it was a painful process and our relationship was never fully restored.

Maybe you’ve experienced a similar messy relationship. Trust me, it’s better addressed immediately. Is there anyone today you need to approach and ask for forgiveness? Maybe offer forgiveness and begin the process of restoration? Don’t let pride keep you from reconciliation.

Satan is cunning and crafty, creating division in our relationships and shifting our focus from building Christ-like friendships to causing strife among one another.

Don’t give the enemy a foothold into your relationships. Stop believing his lies.

7 Practical Steps to Reconciliation

Spend some time with the Lord, asking Him to go before you to fix this messy relationship. Use these verses as a guideline on how to reconcile with another believer:

1. Love one another. The Lord loves you both dearly and hates division among His children. Love one another as He loves us. John 15:12
2. Let go of grudges and be merciful. Jesus desires mercy, not sacrifice but I’m speaking from experience when I say it’s a sacrifice to let go of a grudge and extend the same mercy we have been given. Matthew 9:12-13
3. Leave your gift at the altar and reconcile immediately. Don’t harden your heart because the enemy has caused division. Make things right with your friend right away. Matthew 5:21-25
4. Let a fellow believer listen. When people are hurting, they don’t always want to hear what we have to say, even if it’s only, “I’m sorry.” In this case, bringing along a mutual or neutral friend can be wise. Matthew 18:15-20
5. Lowliness, Longsuffering, Love. Three important things to bring to the reconciliation. Humble yourself and be patient during this reconciliation and above all, LOVE. Ephesians 4:1-3,
6. Leave behind bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking. Don’t let these evil things take root in your heart—get rid of them! Ephesians 4:29-31
7. Let it go. Your sins have been forgiven, removed as far as the east from the west. What a merciful God we serve. What right do we have not to forgive when He has so freely forgiven us, abundantly pardoning our sins? Psalm 103:8-12

If someone hurt you in a messy relationship, don’t wait too long for reconciliation. Because the longer you wait, the more difficult it is to clean up. Reconciliation brings restoration.