Have you ever encountered a bully? Someone who treated you unfairly or called you names or spread ugly rumors about you? Someone who intentionally excluded you and seemed to spend all their time making you miserable? Me too. It doesn’t feel great to be the object of someone’s unkind obsession, experiencing their dislike toward you. But we don’t just have to sit there and take it. We can be proactive in our response towards bullies. What if I told you it’s possible to shake loose your bully and love them like Jesus?

A bully defined

According to the Oxford dictionary, a bully is a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable. NOT someone who physically assaults you —that is a criminal. So when I refer to a bully, I’m talking about the kind of person who consistently intimidates and demeans others verbally. Regardless of what they say, I think we can all relate to the emotional beating we feel when we’ve become a bully’s object. It hurts! Whoever said, “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me,” was a liar! Because we live in a society prevalent toward accepting and loving everyone, sometimes people are quick to excuse a bully’s behavior. Some say, “Hurt people hurt people,” as if it’s an excuse to justify a bully’s behavior. Deep down, perhaps they’ve experienced pain and in an effort to dispel the hurt, they retaliate in anger. They’re hurting and they want someone else to hurt equally. Or maybe they bully because they simply want to be the class clown and gain a few chuckles at your expense. It could very well be a bully targeted you because they don’t like you and want others to know it and equally dislike you. Whatever the reason for your bully, if you’ve ever experienced the relentless pursuit of a power-hungry predator, my heart goes out to you. We’ve experienced our own shares of bullying from other kids and adults. While I might’ve naively thought before that bullies one day grow up and grow out of this “stage”, the truth is they just grow into bigger ones. 🙁

3 Practical Ways to Stop a Bully

A bully wants to feel powerful over their prey but we absolutely can turn the tables on them and leave them powerless over our emotions. After six months of searching for answers on how to respond to bullies and still love like Jesus, I’ve found 3 practical ways to shake your bully.

Avoid them.

According to Connie Albers in her latest book Parenting Beyond the Rules, she encourages parents to teach their children how to avoid bullies. In some scenarios, it’s simply a matter of avoiding the places the bully frequents whether it’s a certain hall at school or a different street in town. Other times, especially when you see your bully on a daily basis, it requires another response.

Join them.

They always say, “If you can’t beat them, join them!” Brooks Gibbs, creator of SQUABBLES, teaches kids how to resolve conflict and how to become emotionally resilient. He encourages kids to stop being the brunt of jokes by learning to laugh at yourself. When you can take someone’s taunting and turn it around on them, you deflect their jabs and effectively render them powerless over your emotions. After listening to several YouTube videos by Brooks Gibbs, one of my daughters decided to employ his method on her siblings. Much to her surprise and satisfaction, it worked. Learning to laugh at yourself is not only a great way to stump a bully, but also such a wonderful life skill! But if neither of those methods works to shake your bully, there’s one more thing to try.

Be Kind.

For several months in our pursuit of shaking loose bullies, we found the greatest answer –be kind. Which is always easier said than done, right? Who wants to be kind to someone who’s verbally shredded us to pieces and spit us out again? No one. But if we as Christians love Jesus, then with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can love like Jesus. One thing we can count on is living as a Christian means living a fishbowl kind of life. Everyone is watching to see if we are different. Does living for Jesus change us from the inside out and draw others to Him? But bullies… When we react to a bully in our flesh, giving them the power they desire, there’s absolutely no difference between us and anyone else. Yet when we respond to their attacks in love and kindness, they’re immediately rendered powerless. They no longer have control over our emotions and move on to another target.

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:20-21

The more we love Jesus and desire to obey Him, the more we love as He does. The Bible is full of verses on how to respond to our enemies whether it’s to feed them, give them drink, pray for them, or be kind to them. We should always be mindful of our response towards a bully knowing we are a reflection of Christ and we will either point people toward Him because they see something different in us or push them away because we live no different than the world.

Shake this bully!

Before you go, please know shaking a bully loose usually requires more than one effort. Because a bully is persistent, they won’t back off the first time. Keep trying. Now that you have an arsenal of tips to stop bullies, you’re well on your way to shake them loose. If you continue to experience the targeting of a bully, ask an adult for help. If you are the adult, tell a trusted friend what’s going on and pray about it. Find some time to read through Psalms and Proverbs where there’s a wealth of passages to encourage you and give you wisdom. If you have a favorite Scripture verse to encourage you when you’ve been faced with a bully, I’d love for you to share it in the comments section! <3