I’m sorry. I messed up. Again. 

For several weeks now, I’ve been pressed and prompted by the Holy Spirit to write a post about when your blessings feel like burdens. All the Scripture passages were given to me and I was to write to encourage you in your difficult spot because we all go through hard times when the things we have prayed for and praised God for get hard. We feel like giving up because we listened to the lies that we are worthless and we don’t matter. Our treasures are suddenly tarnished and the star we’ve been following ends over a stable and not the palace we expected. 

Obeying the prompting meant giving you a glimpse into the difficult places in my life and leaving myself vulnerable to even more verbal attacks. Honestly, I just didn’t even want to talk about what it’s like feeling ashamed of my family because I believed the enemy’s lies for a few weeks.

It wreaked havoc on our lives. I wasn’t a good wife or good mom because I stopped listening to the Truth and began believing a lie. 

So I put off writing the post.

I didn’t mess up finally sharing my story. It’s not bad to be real and transparent and share what happens in our every day lives, from the good things God teaches us to the hard places of being a mom or wife. I didn’t even realize right away where I messed up. 

I finally wrote it and shared it. A few minutes after I clicked “Published” is when I knew I messed up. The post was being shared over and over and for a minute I thought that was great until the text messages, emails and facebook comments started rolling in. Instead of anyone relating to my story, you were affirming me in my motherhood. It felt good–for a second. And then God whispered, “This wasn’t about you. It was about Me.”

It’s not about me. I never should’ve made it about me. Just like it’s my job to point my kids to Christ, it’s also my job to point you, my readers, to Christ. 

When the world makes us feel worthless, we should turn to the Cross. 

When women (or men) in the church make us feel worthless, we should turn to Christ. 

When family makes us feel worthless, we should always turn to Jesus. 

And when I felt worthless, I pointed to myself. Look at me. I’m having a hard time. Come along with me and let’s have a pity party together. Affirm me and build me up because no one else is.

I. Can’t. Even. 

Thank you for the kind words of affirmation but let me tell you where I find my worth. Where I’d forgotten (for a few weeks) where my worth lies.

Neither my worth or yours is found in the words of others whether they’re good or bad. We know all the verses about Jesus paying the price for us, God knowing how many hairs on our head, how He provides and cares for us even more than the sparrows, and how He has a plan for us. I don’t want to give you empty platitudes you’ve heard countless times but I do want you to know how very loved and valued you are.

You are special. Long before you were created, God had a special plan you were to carry out. He knew the difficult places you would go and the people you would encounter. Nothing was a surprise to Him even though it came outta left field for you. He equipped you with the tools you would need to get the job done and He gave you His instructions in your treasured Bible. 

So when you feel worthless like you can’t get the job done or there are hundreds others who could perform better than you, remember this was a job just for you. It’s not going the way you imagined? Perhaps the star you followed ended at a stable and you were ready to give up like I was. Stop. Look for God even in the stable. He’s there. He’s been with you every step of the way and He. LOVES. You.

The next time Satan tries to infiltrate our thoughts with lies, let’s remember these two things:

1. Bring every thought into captivity.   2 Corinthians 10:5. In the midst of verses on the Spiritual War, we are commanded to cast down every argument and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity. Since the fall of man, Satan has worked his way into our thoughts creating doubt and confusion. Cast them down and bring every thought into captivity.
2. Whatever is good, think on these things. Philippians 4:8. Ok, technically, that’s not what the verse says but it does give an entire list of things to think and meditate on and if we are honest with ourselves and thinking of these things, it doesn’t leave much time to ponder the evil, malicious lies the enemy feeds us. True. Noble. Just. Pure. Lovely. Good report. Think on these things.

Verses to look up: Psalm 139, Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:6-7, Jeremiah 29:11