Image courtesy of Bethany Walter Photography

By Ellen Mitchell

A little over a year ago, I was locked up and had little to no options for the future. I can remember the day like it was last week. With cold hands and a defeated posture, I made my way down to the kitchen in the belly of the beast, otherwise known as the St. Johns County Jail. For the first time in a while I was using my hands for a purpose other than self. I had nowhere to go this time –no family to run to, no friends to call, and no place to call my own. But, where was this “home”? My heart was calling me there. But where? I had been running from the law and from my true self for so long, that the only stopping point for me was being in jail long enough to sober up. I was in my own hopeless pit of prescription drug addiction for so long, going in and out of jails, and going in and out of withdrawal and chaos that nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Not to mention, my life was being choked out of me due to the death of my father, and the sad thing was that I was letting it. I needed change. Quick.

This “in-and-out mentality” ran my mind for so long, that by the time I had the chance to look back at the destruction I had caused in the wake of my addiction and really inventory it, I wanted change more than anything. If only I was given the opportunity to really try and get it under wraps…

So, one night, alone in my tiny jail cell I prayed a simple, direct request: God, give me a future.

Little did I know the impact those five words would have on my life. As I got up the next morning, the guard told me I would not be working today. This was my one day off to sit in the pod and do whatever it is an inmate does with a fragile state of mind. A little while later in the afternoon that same guard screamed my name to which I exclaimed, “What?” “Mitchell. You have a visitor.”
“Who could this visitor be?” I wondered, as I made my way out of the pod and into an area by the jail elevators. Seeing those elevators was a form of freedom to me, knowing that in one month’s time I would be making my way out of them and back into the real world. This time would be a little different, however, because this time I had no probation, no papers, no court cases, no probation officer, and no accountability. Little did I know, that form of freedom and accountability was waiting for me in human form in a little cell by those elevators.

Joan Clements.

She sat with her back facing the door, as I walked in and took the seat on the other side of the table, across from her. She had a glowing smile about her and I was immediately drawn to her. She was sweeter than a grandmother and more loving than a mother. Her demeanor was humbled and strong at the same time. As a sat there I felt an overwhelming sense of peace as she spoke: “Hi Ellen, my name is Joan Clements and I am one of the chaplains. I wanted to go over your request form with you and ask you a few questions. But first, I want to read a verse to you. I usually read Romans 8 to the girls, but for some reason the Lord has put Jeremiah 29:11 on my heart.”

I was at a loss for words, stunned that someone cared enough to take the time to sit down and talk to me about a request I had submitted. Not to mention someone I had never even met before.

To my amazement, she started to read God’s answer to my prayer from the night before in the beautiful words of Jeremiah 29:11:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

It was then and there that I broke down crying. It hit me when she read the word “future” that this verse was His personalized response to me and a direct result of prayer. The Savior and I had our first conversation in that tiny cell by the elevators. He was using this very seasoned woman of God to meet me where I was, in all places the jail. It was at that meeting that she proceeded to tell me about a house she ran for women called the Women’s Refuge of St. John’s County. I took the opportunity, not knowing the work it would take to fulfill that desire. But through Joan’s outstretched hand, God shared His love with me. Over months of diligent prayer and work, victory was on the horizon. I had to work through all of my struggles one by one.

My biggest battles came in the form of two strongholds, the first being unforgiveness. People are wretched and I had been hurt many times, often by the ones closest to me. But as Paul wrote, ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). I had to reconsider my stance of rebellion and dive head first into the pool of forgiveness. I handed out forgiveness to all who had wronged me and felt a wave of relief flood over me. I was no longer white-knuckling the pains of the past and I felt like a new woman. What followed after the initial feelings of relief was an in-depth series of anxious thoughts. We’re not talking about a mini-series or your one to two episode pilots found on daytime television, we’re talking 10-12 seasons of binge watching day and night. It wasn’t until I searched aimlessly in Scripture that I found relief, this verse would counteract my second stronghold; worry.

Luke 12;24 says this: Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

This verse helped not only to diminish my anxious thoughts, but helped to teach me to trust in God with all of my heart. I learned this: ALL of my anxiety was an indicator that I still wanted control of everything around me. I wanted to make sure people understood my commitment to change and that I was taking initiative of my future. I could not have been more wrong! Yes, I made the choice to change, but without Jesus I would have NEVER had the opportunity to change! Something that has value is worth an investment, even the world abides by those standards. Jesus gave me value and therefore I was an investment to Him! My future was sealed; I would follow Jesus on whatever road He led me down. Philippians 4:6-7 from The Message says this: “ Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”

Consider

As the leaves fall and time sways
The bitterness lifts and the darkness fades
The sun is out – the bees are, too,
Fluttering about as I think of You.
The sun is beaming down, such a smile, such a smile
As I beg you Heavenly Father; Stay a while, stay a while
I see your love in all that I do.
I even see it so intricately written in the craters of the moon.
I watch intently as the bees dance around me,
buzzing and bantering,
as they slowly fly by.
I seem to recall an urgent love in it all.
Even the ravens, I consider,
For they neither sow, nor reap,
And yet by the Lord they are fed; whether big or small.
For though, I ponder, these creatures do not consider it at all.
They don’t ask questions,
They don’t ask why,
They just enjoy God’s gifts and continue to fly.

I think so often, we find ourselves striving for the bigger and badder, the newer and better, all while losing sight of the things that matter. We end up fighting for the wrong things, when love is what is worth fighting for… We all are dealing with life at different angles and some of us are learning to fly, as I am today. I can tell you this; with God all things are possible.

In Christ I will boast, because in Christ is where the freedom lies. I am free from captivity, jail, prison, and addiction all because of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Ellen did absolutely nothing here, Christ did it all. Every single bit of it. Christ gets all the victory and He is the reason I have experienced life more abundantly (John 10:10), a peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil. 4:7), and a love that never fails (1 Corin. 13:8).

Ellen Mitchell just finished a one year discipleship program in St. Augustine after battling years of addiction and is now a ministry assistant at Turning Point at Calvary. She is an avid fisher, writer, and  lover of Jesus. She spends her down time collecting sharks teeth and playing guitar.